Another pretty day

..untill this afternoon when it starts raining again.. which will be boo cuz then its going to get cold and gross and we don't like that.

I had to work last night..
Tell me how people can be so rude sometimes? I just don't understand why people have to be so rude and mean esp in the restaurant business. I hate people sometimes. People that think they are better then me just because they have money.Money isn't everything, i know it's alot but it's not evertything.

Today is a pretty day

it's been so gloomy lately and today it's finally a really not so cold pretty day, and i have to work.. BOO.

This week has been kinda rough for me..
i don't feel like the same me
in this relationship so many things are different
i'm not who i used to be
I have to learn to just trust
but it's so hard to give it all to someone when you don't know what they are going to do with it
i just need to know that everything will be ok in the end
but i don'tknow and that's what killsme.

i need to chill out..breath breath breath breath breath.. i can't breath. I can't breath. I can't breath and i need to chill out

he could be lying to me, and that's what i feel like i really really really do. Why would he send me that random shit all of a sudden? He was telling someone to call him. He was telling someone to call him.

Trust

I've never realized that i have a trust issue.. i guess everyone has some sorta trust issue or another. It's so hard to completely give your all to someone and i want to so bad but it's just so hard.

I can't go around being paranoid that something is being done behind my back. I just have to hope that he loves me enough to not break my heart. History is so hard to compete with so of course when history comes back, i'm going to get worried and ask questions.

Lonely Nights

I can't ever sleep when i am by myself anymore. I have been spoiled with sleeping with the one that i love and i can't seem to ever fall asleep when i want to when i'm at home. It's so much more comforting to know that there is someone next to me holding me when i fall asleep. And the best thing is waking up and seeing them right next to you. The in the middle of the night parts of kinda blurry but when i do wake up and roll over and feel his warm body next to mine it just makes it all that much easier to fall back asleep...

Which brings me to another issue.. why am i still living at home? OMG i could rant on this forever.
why is that Foreign parents believe that they have to live by certain rules of their culture and not some of the other ones.. you can't really pick and choose what rules you want to follow.. can you?

I am 21..i live at home with my parents. YES .. it sucks. I'm asian.. i'm not white, i'm not white i'm not white i am asian.. this is what i hear constantly from my mothers mouth. I KNOW I"M ASIAN AND NOT WHITE.. but why can't i move out? Why can't i live on my own. I have before and i def had way more responsibilities then i do now. I took care of myself.

i know sometimes it's the fact that they don't want me to leave, but still, this puts a def strain on the relationship i have with my family. I can't stand being home and see them and hearing my mothers screaming voice in my freakin ear every freakin day. I don't know how much longer i can take of this.

finishing up

i think it's time for me to grow up a little. i feel like i've been saying that for such a long time but it's true. I need to get my life together, all together.

Now that i have found someone that i truely love can spend the rest of my life with, i know that i need to get my life together all the way before i can share that with someone else. I need to be able to be an adult. That's scary to think about but i know that's what i need to do.

I love him so much that everyday that this passes by i worry that i may lose him. It sounds so pathetic though, i used to never be like this. I didn't believe in love, and i don't really know if i still really do in a sense. I feel it cuz i'm in love right now, but this feeling takes so much control over you its almost unbearing. I would almost sometimes rather not have this because with good it comes with so much bad too. The bad sometimes even out wieghs the good...

i guess it's better to have loved then to never love at all?